Dear Mrs. McVeigh,

I am in a wedding out of town, and it seems to be getting very expensive.  I have paid for a $600.00 bridesmaid dress, shoes, accessories, a plane ticket, and I will have to pay 2 nights for a hotel room.  Do you think this is a lot for a bride to ask her 24 year old friends to pay for?  My mom told me that etiquette says that the bride’s family should be paying for all of these expenses, but that is not happening in this situation.  What is the etiquette on this please?

Going Broke Bridesmaid

Dear Going Broke,

Traditionally the bride’s family did pay for dresses, accessories, etc…  That changed by the early 1980s, and it is now assumed that the bridesmaids will pay for their own everything.  I do think it is a lot to ask anyone (especially 24 year olds!) to spend $600.00 on a bridesmaid dress, plus traveling expenses.  The cost of the dress alone is a lot for anyone to afford.  Also from experience I can tell you that no matter what the bride says, you will not wear the $600.00 bridesmaid dress again!

Dear Mrs. McVeigh,

I am attending a friend’s wedding next month, and I have discovered that the bride and groom have only registered at very high-end stores.  I am invited to a shower, and then I will obviously purchase a wedding gift.  Do you think people should be more considerate and register at several places, with at least one place with affordable items, or do you feel like this is their wedding, and they can do what they want? 

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I think registering at “more affordable” places, as well as higher end stores is showing consideration to your wedding guests.  If the bride and groom are young, they probably have younger friends who cannot afford to spend a lot, but still want to give them a nice gift.  In these troubled economic times, I especially would expect people to be consciences about all of their guests being able to afford a gift.